Warning!!!

Hello Everyone!
LOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time no blog.  I can't believe it has been nearly a year since the last post and as you can imagine, I have a lot to update you on.  So, buckle up! 

To get you in the mood, here are some hints of what we will catch up on in the weeks to come:

Ms. TMI is still with Mr. STBBD (kind of sort of)
Ms. WIM has a new man.....a much younger version of her previous ones.
New additions to the office crazy!

 Until then, Cheers!

Crazy Begets Crazy

Time for an update in the world of crazy.  Last week was pretty tame, but this week’s action made up for it.  Ms. TMI is in rare form and Ms. WIM is back in the relationship cycle of doom.  Ready?  Here we go!

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On Monday Ms. TMI reported a semi-successful weekend with Mr. STBBD.  They had a couples counseling session on Saturday where they discussed finances.  She is still pissed about his lack of motivation to get a better job, do things around the house when work falls though, or follow-through on anything in general.  She leaves him lists of things to do when she leaves for work, badgers him all day about doing it, and is then pissed when she gets home to find nothing is done.  In this telling of his continued incompetence, she called him a redneck idiot that can’t finish a thought to save his life.  Sweet, isn’t she?  She continued to tell me that she can see herself repeating the failed and dysfunctional marriage of her parents.  So when I asked her why she is continuing a relationship with this man, she simply responded, “Because I love him.”  REALLY?!  You could have fooled me!

On Tuesdays she goes to see her personal therapist (reminder, he specialized in child psychology and she is in her 30s).  When she got back to work she had to fill me in on the session.  She said that she told the good doctor that she is not controlling her crazy as well as she used to; that she just doesn’t have the energy to keep it under control.  The good doctor recommended that she get on meds to help her out (Go Doc!).  However, Ms. TMI refuses to take any meds because they may affect her FERTILITY!?  Did I mention that this same doctor told her that under no circumstances should she have a baby with this man??

Apparently she has also been spending time in her sessions talking to the good doctor about her 9 year old nephew’s behavioral problems.  Well, she calls him her nephew, but I think it’s her ex-stepbrothers stepchild.  Whatever.  Anyway, this kid is apparently a train wreck.  He doesn’t listen, is constantly testing boundaries, defiant, and all around a problem child.  He even refuses to use the bathroom at home and instead pisses of the back deck.  Recently the problem child’s veteran 3^rd grade teacher called his mom to tell her that her son was “the worst child I have ever taught.”  Ms. TMI continued to tell me that she is trying to get this child into see her therapist (since he specializes in child behavior); but that he said he couldn’t see him because it would be a conflict of interest.  Well, Ms. TMI pushed and pushed on both the mother of the problem child and the doc until they finally agreed to have a phone call to see what steps could be taken.  Ms. TMI even said she would stop seeing the doctor if it meant he could see her nephew.  In telling me about this kid, she had all kinds of excuses about why he is the way he is, however, her description of his actions boiled down to this:  he is charming, feels no remorse for his actions, is volatile, and manipulative.  These are common element of a psychopath and no amount of therapy or drugs is going to help this kid.  They decided to send him to a 3 week behavioral modification camp over the summer.  I guess we will see.  Ms. TMI’s next mission is to get her 13 year old nephew in line because is already video chatting naked body parts to girls at his school.  Apparently she is a child rearing expert.   Sounds like a healthy situation for all involved, no?

On Wednesday and Thursday, Ms. TMI spent the day comparing insurance plans coverage rates on IVF.  Her current insurance won’t cover her, specifically at the IVF clinic she has already picked out.  I think she has it narrowed down to 2.  For each cycle her out of pocked expenses will be about $3000 and she is anticipating 3 rounds to get knocked up.  Now she just needs to make sure that the coverage is valid, even if she isn’t married and has preexisting conditions.  She also mentioned that she might need to get lap band surgery first, but she will wait and see since she is back on the weight watchers train (yesterday her lunch was 14points in case you were interested).

This morning she was on the anger train with Mr. STBBD bright and early.  Apparently they spent all last night fighting over a nudey pic of a girl on his cell phone.    When questioned about why he had a naked chick on his cell phone, he responded “I don’t know” and that answer was NOT ok with Ms. TMI.  She pushed and pushed for an answer until he snapped which, in turn, made her snap.  She claims it wasn’t about the picture, per se, but his inability to “answer a simple question, just have a conversation, give a complete thought, or explain anything on the spot.”  I’m not sure how we got from nudey pics to jobs, but I guess he proceeded to tell her that her job is bullshit and that she is lazy at work (has he been here?!  LOL).  She took great offense and countered by telling him that at least her job required some intelligence but a monkey could do his job.  Vilification tennis anyone?  This round of the match concluded with him telling her that it “is clear you don’t like me and want to change everything about me.”  Turns out this guy is pretty perceptive.  Ms. TMI’s solution to all of this is to start going to couples counseling twice a week instead of once.  What happened to letting Jesus take the wheel!? I bet this weekend will be a doozie.

On to Ms. Wim.  She has been keeping to herself recently.  That is until yesterday.  Ms. TMI was in my office when Ms. Wim entered because she had to “ask a question.” Uh oh.  This is Ms. Wim’s favorite ways to insert herself into any conversation.  She will say “I just have a quick question” which you would think is work related but instead ends up with her chatting about her problems for the next half an hour or more.  Ms. Wim was requesting our help to become a “bitch.”  What?  You want to become a bitch!?  Ok, it doesn’t take a professional to see what this is all about.  She is really trying to ask how to distance herself from the ex that drags her along.  As you recall, this guy has been very clear about his intentions with Ms. Wim, but she just can’t let it go.  Anyway, this dude has a minor back injury, and since she is an expert in all things injury due to the black cloud that follows her around, he has been contacting her to ask questions, get referrals, and get general emotional and physical support.  She just can’t say NO and he is sucking her back under his spell.  We both advised her to just stop responding to this douchbag, but she said she just couldn’t do that to him because it would make her feel guilty.  Ug.  Really she didn’t want any advice at all; she just wanted someone to listen to her tales of woe.  Since Ms. TMI was also here, she couldn’t just sit back and ride out the storm.  Oh no, not Ms. TMI.  She laid into Ms. Wim and gave her a tongue lashing about how she is spineless, lets people walk all over her, has horrible choice in men and friends, and is her own crown of thorns.  These are more than likely all accurate, however, Ms. Wim wasn’t looking for life advice.   Everything that Ms. TMI served up with quickly dismissed by Ms. Wim blame was placed on everyone else.  I literally just went back to work while these 2 discussed the correct way to get and keep boyfriends and good friends.  Yes friends, that’s right.  What I would have given to record that conversation to play for you all here.  Maybe next time.     

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I’m sure I am forgetting some gems, but this is already getting long.  Until next time.

Cheers

It’s All About Perspective

Hello Everyone!  Second blog for the week!  Yesterday was quiet (thankfully!), but today there are a few little gems to pass along.  Enjoy!

Morning report:

Ms. TMI was on the phone talking to her friend and accosting her about how she had enough money to do things.  In this case, I think the friend got new furniture.  The friend is being nice and breaking down how much her husband makes, how much they pay for day care, and how much they spend on x, y, or z.  I now know all of this information too because Ms. TMI repeated each line item back to her to confirm she was calculating correctly.  Ms. TMI is concerned that her friend is overspending and not paying off credit and she just cannot believe that they make enough to take on a $300/month payment.  After much discussion, Ms. TMI seemed to be ok, but skeptical, about the newly acquired debt of her friend.  Life is unfair, especially when her friend can afford to spend money on things that she can’t.  Hello green eyed monster!

I think most of this comes from the fact that she is swimming in debt with no end in sight.  She has 2 signature loans from the credit union, her home mortgage, a 401K loan, and credit card debt.  How do I know this?  Because she told me and gave me the details on amount owed for each!!!   She is convinced if Mr. STBBD had more take home pay they would be in a better position.  You see, “Really he just needs to be motivated to make more money.”  Mind you, she had all of this debt before she met Mr. STBBD.  Also, the company he works for is being evicted from their business space since they are 20K behind in rent!!!!  Eeeekkkkk. 

Update:  She just got off the phone with Mr. STBBD and agreed to buy him new motorcycle boots.  Is this perhaps contributing to her growing debt?

Afternoon Report:

I want to take a brief interlude to tell you about a conversation today with one of my less crazy coworkers, a first generation immigrant.  This isn’t necessarily an “oversharing” moment, but something I find to be so foreign to my thinking.  He has a 20 something daughter and has made comments to me in the past that his daughter needs to lose weight or focus more in school or spend more time with him when she is home on break from college, etc, etc.  Today I asked about how she was doing, he commented that he was “upset” with her because she decided to say an extra year after finishing her undergrad degree to get a Masters, which she explained would give her time to figure out which PhD program is best for her.  My coworker is convinced that she is just stalling so that she can “hang out and dance” for another year when what she should really be doing is getting a job and making money.  I feel that her father is being hyper critical of what I think is an excellent opportunity to get a masters degree in one year.  This is all personal choice, of course, but do you wanna know the kicker of this story.....his daughter is graduating with an honors degree in computer science from MIT!!!!!  I think she will be just fine in whatever she chooses to do!

That’s all for today folks!

Cheers

Now For Something Completely Different

Hello friends!  I hope you all had a fantastic weekend.  For today’s blog, I’m going to try a new format.  I’m anticipating that today will full of tales from Ms. TMI and her ongoing relationship issues, as well as an update from Ms. Wim since her cross-country boyfriend (?) was supposed to arrive yesterday.  As things occur throughout the day I will record them and then post at the end of the day.  Let’s hope this works.

9:20AM: 

Ms. Wim came into my office with the looks of the weight of the world on her shoulders.  Deeps sighs and puppy dog eyes to top it off.  

She was sick all last week but in constant communication with the potential long-distance boyfriend about the upcoming visit.  He sent her 2 dozen roses the middle of last week and daily texts counting down the time until their reunion.  Her aunt made arrangements to stay at a hotel downtown so as to not inconvenience her, close to where the potential boyfriend had made plans for all of them on Wednesday.  This dude was concerned about Ms. Wim being contagious (she is ALWAYS sick), so she went to the doctor and got antibiotics, which she would normally not do.  She was looking forward to the week with the new man and hoping it would help her get over the ex.  There was a full week of events planned for the occasion:  shopping, dinner, shows, dancing, hiking, etc etc etc    That is, until about 5:30 Friday night, when Mr. Long-Distance called to cancel the trip completely.  Not just postpone it, cancel it forever.  

According to Ms. Wim, he said that he had been thinking about the situation for months now and just couldn’t go on anymore.  He was admittedly falling for her, but it was becoming distracting and he hadn’t been spending time establishing himself in his new city.  He thought it was better to just end it there.  This conversation, of course, left quite the wake of trauma.    To make a long story short, he cut off all communication and hasn’t responded to any of her communication attempts since then.  She even went to far as to leave him a belligerent voicemail giving him a piece of her mind at 3am Saturday morning.  Classy! She also sent him an email outlining all of the plans she had for the 2 of them this week, including how much each cost, and asked him to repay her the money she had already spent.  She took the 2 dozen roses, changed the water, and left them on her neighbor’s door with a note that said “I will be out of town for the weekend and don’t want these to go to waste.  Enjoy!” because she couldn’t stand the sight of them.  Also, she deleted him from Facebook.  Why does this all sound so damn familiar?  In the meantime, she told her Aunt about the cancellation, and the Aunt is pissed at Ms. Wim since she rearranged her accommodations for this dude.  The aunt also uninvited Ms. Wim to a dinner over the whole ordeal.  Going to be a long week.  

 

In an attempt to get out of the dumps, she made plans to go see The Great Gatsby in the theater in full costume of period clothing (remember she collects vintage clothing).  Anyway, she arrived first about 20min before the show and was the only one dressed up.  Her friend texted to tell her she was on her way, but she lives 30mins from the theater.  So, there she is, all dressed up and the whole theater’s staring at her in full 20’s regalia.  The friend showed up after the preview and just as the movie was starting.

After the movie they went to Barnes and Noble to get Starbucks and chat.  As the café was closing, the barista came over to alert them that it was time to go.  She commented on their outfits and somehow stuck up a conversation.  Yesterday was mother’s day and the barista said to them “Happy Mother’s Day, even though you are too young to have kids.”  Well, that struck a chord with Ms. Wim because she quickly retorted that her “eggs are all dried up.”  This lead to what I’m sure was an even more awkward conversation than the one I’m having and Ms. Wim shared her man-struggles with the nice stranger.  She even went so far as to ask the barista if she knew any nice and available men.  The barista then shared her own tale of woe.  According the Ms. Wim, the barista said that she looked for love for a long time and finally realized that she was in love with her guy friend of 10years.  They decided to get married, but he died 2 weeks before their wedding.  Oh Dear God.  Ms. Wim is probably the most miserable I’ve seen her in a while and this story from the random barista was the icing on the cake.  She even went to far as to say, "I'm unlovable."  Sad.

9:54AM:

Ms. Wim decided it was time to work and left my office. 

10:08AM:

Ms. TMI arrived and came directly to my office.  She had to give me her weekend update even before turning on her computer.

Mother’s Day was full of activities.  First, they went to the cemetery to put flowers on her grandmother’s grave.  At the gates to the cemetery there was a funeral home that was holding a promotional raffle.  You could enter to win the grand prize of a flat screen TV if you signed up for their email promotions.  Talk about an odd promotion!  She then told me about the buttermilk chocolate cupcakes she made and the dinner she put together for her family.  They had chicken, red potatoes, spinach salad, asparagus, and orange cookies.  

Ms. TMI continued to tell me about the pending family drama over the estate of her recently deceased grandparents, but she will be in charge of keeping the peace.  In fact, her quick math skills already averted one crisis.  She continued to describe the state of the estate, including the family home which is currently occupied by her mentally ill and unemployable uncle.  I guess he is a hoarder and in no hurry to go anywhere.  The other family members, on the other hand, want to sell the house ASAP.  She gave me full description of the contents of the house, including the empty boxes of “as seen on TV” merchandise her grandfather liked to purchase.  She said there is a lot more she has to discuss with me, but she has to go check her email first.  

10:43AM:

Ms. TMI  went to her office, grabbed a present for an office friend and disappeared down the hall.  

11:28AM:

Ms. TMI is in my office showing people Mary Kay samples.  My office has better light, so clearly it’s the best place to do this.   She is also telling me all about how I should do my makeup and which lipstick I should wear for which occasion.  Super annoying, but I got free samples, which are always fun.  So, I’ll call it a wash.

1:47PM: 

I was summoned to Ms. TMI’s office for the update on Mr. STBBD.  They have been in a vicious cycle of fighting for days now and Friday was no exception.  I don’t even really understand how this version of the fight started, but it escalated quickly.  At one point Mr. STBBD was so pissed he launched his phone like a throwing star and it stuck straight into the dry wall.  They separated briefly, but you know that this won’t end here.  

From what I gathered, she continued to tell him how he is a miserable son-of-a-bitch and lives his life with a chip on his shoulder.  The usual insults were thrown and Mr. STBBD finally looked Ms. TMI square in the eyes and said “we are done!”   She said she responded “ok” made some final snarky remark as she stomped up the stairs.  He apparently heard her and responded with “you’re just a fat, nasty, bitch.”  YIKES!!  I think even he knew that was below the belt, even for their colorful fights.  She took off running and tried to lock herself in her home office, but he moved faster and she wasn’t able to close the door in time.  She made a second attempt at skirting him, all the while screaming that he leave her alone.  She stepped past him and made her way to the bathroom for peace and quiet.  He got his foot in the door just as she was about to close it and he refused to leave her in peace.  In a final attempt to avoid punching him out and having a complete mental breakdown, she climbed into the tub and pulled the curtain, shaking and crying over what was going on.    He sat on the toilet and continued to talk to her through the curtain and apologized profusely.  He somehow convinced her to get out of the tub, but they remained in tiny bathroom.  (Ms. TMI went on an interlude to tell me the story of how she is comfortable in the bathroom, probably because that is where she would escape to when her parents fought when she was little).   

Ms. TMI was still not speaking to Mr. STBBD and had no interest in the same apology she has heard a 1000 times.  That is until he said the exact right thing at the exact right time to bring the situation to an end….. “let’s pray together.”  Yes, my readers, he suggested they pray together to make everything alright again.  He got down onto the bathroom floor with her, took her hand, and said, “let’s pray.”  I don't think he is a religious man, but Ms. TMI is devout.  He didn’t do any praying himself, but gave her the idea and she led the way.  And that was it. Fight over, end of story, fin.   That night they went to a hockey game together and pretended like nothing ever happened, even though there is a hole in her wall where they extracted the cell phone.   I highly doubt this will be the end.  But, we will wait and see.

2:18PM: 

I was allowed to escape back to my office.

Well everyone.  I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted, and I actually have work to do.  In fact, I’ll be working a light speed for these 2 time sucks.  Until next time.

Cheers!

Did You Miss Me?

Hello my dear blog readers!!!!  It has been far too long and A LOT has happened.  Did you miss me?  I think that the spring weather has truly let the cuckoo out of my co-workers clocks because they are out of control.  Ms. TMI has been especially inappropriate and I have more stories than I can even begin to write about.  Ms. Wim is still in the same cycle of doom.  I think the best way to get back into this is to do a “best moments” list.  So, here we go!

Ms. TMI

• Ms. TMI has begun to display SWF tendencies.  She is constantly trying to dig into my personal life and find my deficits.  I, like most, have plenty of issues.  However, unlike Ms. TMI, I try to keep my personal life and my work life separate.  One day this came to the most epic of afternoons when she decided that I must have something mentally wrong with me because I’m emotionally detached, yet claim to be happy.  The concept of me being happy person blew her mind!!!  She went so far as to tell me that it would be her personal mission to find my DSM-V diagnosis.  After some Google searching on her part, she emailed me a link to a personality disorders “diagnosis” test.  I could see the delightful outcome of this in my mind and agreed to take it if she would take it too.  I finished the personality disorder screening test, and shocker, don’t have any indication of a personality disorder.  Before she even finished hers, she wanted to know what I got and I was delighted to tell her that I’m “normal.”  Then, she finished the test and declared “This can’t be right!  This says I have antisocial personality disorder!  I’m so social.  I hang out with people all of the time!”  I DIE.  She also had a strong indication for borderline personality disorder.  For those of you that may not know or not want to look up antisocial personality disorder: 

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of a disregard for other people's rights, often crossing the line and violating those rights. It usually begins in childhood or as a teen and continues into their adult lives. Antisocial personality disorder is often referred to as psychopathy or sociopathy in popular culture.

• In other news, Ms. TMI and Mr. STBBD are now seeing a couple’s counselor.  This is in addition to her weekly therapy appointments with the therapist she has seen on and off since she was a teenager (he specializes in child psych).  They have been to 1 session together and 1 session each individually.  She told me about her session and said that she talked the entire time and the counselor barely had time to say anything because she was giving a “full picture of the situation.”  This seemingly verbal diarrhea session ended with the counselor saying, “Do you even like this man?”  Good question mon frère!  In fact, this is the second therapist to pose that same question.  Her regular therapist told her “under no circumstances should you have a child with that man.”  I am guessing that was more related to her dysfunctional relationship behaviors and desire to be impregnated at any cost rather than about his ability to be a responsible father.  But, who am I to say?

• Ms. TMI told me I have cankles.  I didn’t respond but had an Ally McBeal moment of launching her out the window.  REALLY?!!?  I have cankles??  If I have cankles, what do you call whatever it is you’ve got going on??  Get fucked. 

• Ms. TMI has also taken to wanting to review my work and keep track of my hours.  Ummmm, NO! 

Ms. Wim

Ms. Wim is a train wreck inside of a nuclear explosion.  I have never met someone with so many disastrous things happen to them in my life.  I still can’t really decide how many are self-inflicted and which are just plain ‘ol shitty luck.  I will give you a few highlights: 

• Ms. Wim finally got a car!!  Did I tell you that already?  After months of trials and tribulations, she finally decided on the Ford Fusion.  Thank God!  She was going to have to go to a custom seat maker so that she can make it comfortable for her back.  However, after a few weeks of driving, all was well and the factory seats seem to be fine….for now. 

• Ms. Wim has been chasing after the dancer ex-boyfriend for MONTHS….dare I even say YEARS.  They have been on and off for as long as I have known her.  In reality, she is on and he is off.  This guy is also half her age, as usual.  In their most recent reconnection, the ex made is explicitly clear to her on several occasions that he was: 1) not interested in being seen in public with her, 2) having casual sex with her when he felt like it, and 3) no relationship whatsoever….ever!  What Ms. Wim heard was “There’s still a chance.”  So she invested time and energy and money and emotions into trying to get him to commit to her.  To no one’s surprise except her own, he texted her last Friday to tell her that he was seeing someone else and didn’t want to have any contact with her any more.  To say she was devastated is an understatement.  Full on hysterical crying in her office. 

• Meanwhile, at a dance event in Las Vegas, she met a new guy.  New guy lives across the county, but they have carried on flirting and getting to know each other for the past few months.  Again, I can see a disaster coming because apparently this guy made it clear he is not interested in a long distance relationship.  He is coming this weekend to stay for an entire week at her apartment (let us not forget about her hoarder tendencies).  Maybe it will be good to get her mind off of the ex that she just can’t seem get over, right?  Well, the day after this poor sucker booked his plane ticket, her aunt called to tell her that she would also be visiting next week.  Let us review….new dude coming to visit for a week, aunt also coming same week, and 1 bedroom apartment occupied by a hoarder.  This is going to be interesting.  For some reason she just couldn’t ask her aunt to come another time or stay somewhere else (a hotel perhaps?).  So, while Ms. Wim is at work (because she can’t take leave because she has sooooo much work to do), her potential new man and her aunt will be spending the days together.  YIKES!  Apparently the guy says he’s OK with it.  We will see.  At least this one is in his 30s. 

OK.  This is a long blog with lots to digest.  Until next time,  

Cheers!