Fun Facts Friday

Ms. TMI in at 9:30 today!!! Must be some kind of a record.  She has been keeping her head down and working today; no doubt to make up from earlier in the week.  She did take some time to share these little gems with me about her about her 2 brothers (I think they are actually like step-brothers twice removed or something).  Anyway, here is what I learned:

·         Brother 1 is developmentally delayed, but still managed to get a drivers license.  He also recently was in a little accident and fled the scene.  He was making a left hand turn at an intersection where there was a “no left hand turn” sign posted.  Her opinion is that his inability to follow the traffic signs is the exact reason he shouldn’t be driving.  (Note:  just 2 weeks ago she told me all about ticket for “failure to stop.”  hmmmmm).

·         Brother 2 is also a driver and has his car all done up with fancy lights and paint and what have you.   She referred to it as such:  “I don’t want to be racist or anything, but it’s like a spick mobile.” (note:  if you preface any sentence with “I don’t want to be racist” you are probably going to say some inappropriate shit).

·         Brother 2 is dating a crazy person.  She has multiple personality disorder and has undergone electroshock therapy.  But don’t worry, she is a very likable personable.

·         Brother 2 and MPD girlfriend recently house sat while she was away.  Over the weekend they decided to do a photo shoot in her bedroom and then post the pictures on Facebook.  I guess over sharing runs in the “family.”

This all serves as a nice little reminder to not tell Ms. TMI ANYTHING that you don’t want the whole world to know.

Cheers!

8 Hour Work Day

10am:  Ms. TMI arrived

10:01am:  Ms. TMI came into my office to tell me about the bday card the Mr. STBBD gave her and showed me the picture of it on her phone.  She commented, “I was going to put this on Facebook, but I feel so naked on there already.  I don’t need the whole world to know my business, that’s what I have you for!”  Yup.  That sums it up pretty well.

10:10am:   Ms. TMI had her first personal phone call for the day.

11:30am:  Ms. TMI decided it was time to discuss pre-natal vitamins with me (and by that I mean telling me all about it by shouting across the hall).  You see, her OB/GYN said it’s doesn’t matter which pill she takes, but her other doctor said it needs to have certain ingredients.  The Women’s One a Day has all of the required ingredients, but not in the right quantity.  Unfortunately, Amazon has been no help in locating the perfect pre-natal, so now she will have to go to a bunch of different website to compare.  What is a girl to do!?

11:41am:  Left for an early lunch with a friend.  I’m sure she won’t be back until 2. 

Ah…a day in the life. 

Cheers!

They Do Exist

Not a lot to report on Ms. TMI today.  She came in at 2pm.  In the brief 5minutes that we saw each other, I learned that she was throwing up last night, has a nasty headache, and Mr. STBBD got in a car accident.  I guess that is a lot of info for 5 min.  I should probably also mention that she didn't tell me this, but was telling another office mate that was in her office.

I would like to share with you that not all of my co-workers are crazy and/or inappropriate.  Observe:

Yesterday when I was returning from lunch with my arms full of bags and poster board, I ran into 2 coworkers that were curious about my arm load of stuff.  During our conversation, one of the women touched my shoulder and I straightened up.  She has made it her personal mission to correct my posture.   I will be the first one to admit that I need help in this area and she and I have had conversations about this in the past, so no intrusion here at all.  The other woman chimed in with "You are such an amazing and beautiful girl.  Stand up straight and show it off."  If you know me, you will also know I'm not very good with compliments, but I assured her that I would do my best to to keep my shoulders back and my head up.  Not 5 minutes later, I got an email from the second woman:

Subject Line:  Sending an Apology

I'm sending an apology for publicly commenting on your posture today which is none of my business.  I don't know what caused this outburst though I think I'm turning into my dearly beloved Auntie H.  Your just so attractive and...

Anyway, I will keep my thoughts to myself in the future.

Regards

A totally unnecessary apology in my opinion, but I do appreciate the sentiment. That, my friends, is the unicorn of my office; someone with manners and professionalism.
Cheers!

Muffin Top

Today I will take a little time to fill you in on the muffin incident.  I’m sure Ms. TMI won’t show up until nearly noon today since its pouring rain here and yesterday was the b-day.   So, for your entertainment, I present you with the “muffin incident,” which is also part of the impetus for starting this blog:

I am not the most fit person in the world, but I do try to take care of myself.  I eat a healthy, balanced, low-calorie diet and I work out 6 times a week.  My weight has yo-yoed over the years, but I’m happy where I am at now and work really hard to stay here.  Part of this effort includes planning my meals in advance, calculating calories, and putting in some work at the gym.

Ms. TMI, on the other hand, has a weight problem.  This is a delicate issue, but let me stress to you that by weight problem, I’m not talking about losing the last 10lbs.  For example, her doctors said that she needed to lose at least 50lbs before she even attempted to get pregnant.  She claims she was fit in high school and even played basketball, but her lack of coordination suggests she was more likely a bench warmer (takes one to know one).  She is always seemingly frustrated with her weight and on to the next fad diet or quick fix (side note:  a giant F U to Dr. Oz for promoting these miracle pills to speed up metabolism).  Last year when I dropped some serious pounds with strict diet and exercise, she asked me to help her in the gym to help jump start her weight loss.  I agreed.

She started strong with attendance but was lazy when we were there.  20min on the elliptical was a chore and walking on the treadmill was too hard on her knees (allegedly).  We did some weight stuff, but the minute she started to break a sweat, she was “done.”  Of course, this led to frustration (on both our parts) and zero weight loss.  I kept urging her to keep a food diary and watch what she ate.  We all know that the time you put into the gym won’t matter if you are stopping at Mickey D’s on your way home.  As a FFK (former fat kid), I can sympathize with weight struggles, but you get out what you put in.  I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that our little expeditions to the gym quickly came to an end.    

So, she went back to the quick fixes.  First, it was the South Beach diet.  She stayed with this for about 2 months.  She was happy with the weight loss, stopped following the diet, and quickly piled the weight back on, and then some.  Next, Weight Watchers.  Now, if you have ever been friends with someone on Weight Watchers, you know they sometimes turn from a food choice ignoramus into food nutrition expert in no time.  This was the case with Ms. TMI.

Lots of the other ladies in the office also started WW at the same time.  I, admittedly feeling left out, also joined.  Ms. TMI then decided that she was going to be MY food counselor.  Now, for those of you who are familiar with the program, she had 49pts/day; I had 26pts/day.  This is where I become super irritated.  She would tell me all about what she had eaten and describe exactly how she made it (of course).  When she asked me what I ate, I would tell her and her response was always, “you aren’t eating enough food.”  Ah-hem.  Now here comes the good stuff…..

Every morning for breakfast I have a Fiber One muffin I make myself (170cal), Light & Fit yogurt (80cal), and a piece of fruit.  According to Ms. TMI, this is not a healthy choice….  On not 1, not 2, but 3 separate occasions, she saw what I was having, and said “A muffin!?  How many points is that?!  I don’t think that’s on Weight Watchers!” 

EXCUSE ME?!  No no no no no no no no.  This is when I can only shake my head and have an “Ally McBeal” moment where I jump over my desk and shove the muffin up her ass.  I would probably have been equally pissed if some skinny supermodel type made the comment, but it definitely had that extra edge coming from her. If I wanted to know what you thought about my breakfast or needed help figuring out how many points it is, I would ask you!! 

You will be happy to know that every time she asks me for diet and/or exercise advice now, I refer her to her medical professional.  I also quit Weight Watchers. 

Cheers!

Queen for a Day

Today is Ms. TMI’s birthday!!!!  She arrived at 10 today and came directly to my office.  I had to be filled in on her weekend of birthday events immediately.  So, here we go:

·         Mr. STBBD is not a planner and didn’t have reservations anywhere.  They ended up driving around for an hour and then just going to the casino.

·         At the casino, they ate at the upstairs buffet (not to be confused with the downstairs buffet).  It was $25 and the food was just “good, but nothing special.”  They were seated next to the dessert table, but by the time dessert came around, they were too full.

·         There is a new table game called Big-6 that is AMAZING (I know know all of the rules and odds)

·         Mr. STBBD is finally able to hold a conversation (re: TMI Friday post...we've come a long way in 2 days!)

·         For Sunday night dinner she had turkey lasagna and strawberry cupcakes

Of course there are many (many) more details, but you get the gist.  Overall she had a good weekend. 

In addition to the big bday, today is also her ovulation day!  According to her, the test strip had a faint blue line, meaning ovulation.  So, its go time.  Only every other day though.  fml.  I can’t believe I have to listen to this.  It was bad before, but now I’m going to get details that NO ONE needs to hear.  Some things should be kept private.  ESPECIALLY at work. 

Today she did ask me about my weekend, so I told her I checked out a few tattoo shops and designs.  She quickly launched into a lecture about how I’m procrastinating by doing so and there are better things to do on the weekend. yadda yadda yadda.  Not ten minutes later she was sending me pics of the tattoo that SHE wants to get and links to the artist she wants to do it.  Well, it is her bday afterall, so hail to the queen.

Cheers!

TMI Friday

Ms. TMI arrived today at 10:30 per the usual.  She came in without much incident.  As I was on my way to lunch, she asked me to come into her office "real quick."  We all know what this is about, so let’s just dive in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ms. TMI:  Mr. Boss asked me if I was ok because my eyes are puffy.  I told him I have been having a strange allergy attack and sneezing all week and that you had been making fun of me.  Just an FYI that you’re my cover.

Me: um, ok

Ms. TMI:  So, I talked to Mr. Perfect Man I Never Dated (Mr. PMIND) yesterday for an hour and a half.  He feels the same way as I do about things.  It was nice to know I’m not the only one.  I mean, it was just so good to talk to him.  He is my best friend and I don’t have that with my current boyfriend.  Like…. Mr. Soon to be Baby Daddy (Mr. STBBD) and I get along, but we aren’t, um….like friends.  I told him that on one side I’m in love with him and that I know he doesn’t want to be with me…….. and that on the other side I have a man that is in love with me and I’m not really even good friends with…..I want both.  

Me:  I’m confused.  How did this whole conversation with Mr. PMIND even start? (I should have just nodded instead of asking this question)

Ms TMI:  Well, I called Mr. PMIND yesterday.  When he answered the phone he was like ‘what’s wrong, you only call me when you need to talk.’ We just exchanged pleasantries, and then he asked me how I was with Mr. STBBD and that whole thing.  I just lost it and told him that I was so stressed out and that Mr. STBBD never talks….I mean, he might as well grunt and carry around a club.  I love him, but we don’t,  like,  talk or anything.  I just don’t know if I can deal with it. sigh So anyway, we talked for like an hour and a half and it was so nice.  We are going to the movies next week.  You know?….after all of that talking he never even mentioned living with his girlfriend.  I wonder what's up with that?!

****she went on to detail every letter of the conversation, so let’s fast forward to the end****

Ms. TMI:  So last night I was on the phone with Mr. STBBD because he is out of town for work and I told him that we need to talk….he responded with ‘what did I do now!?  Every 2 weeks something new is wrong, so what is it this time?’  I can’t believe he said that and I was just pissed from the beginning.  So I told him that it’s the same problem we have every 2 weeks; that he doesn’t talk and our entire relationship is so surface.  I mean...... I straight up asked him what he thought about having a baby and what we would tell our future children about how they came into the world.  So, this led to a huge fight and I finally lost it on him and called him a ‘white trash redneck.’  He hung up…….

****She then continued to detail how she would like to tell her teenage children how they came into the world once they asked her (remember, she’s not even prego).   She also told me about the paint colors for their future bedrooms.****

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you all as bored as I am????  FML.  This girl could seriously go on for hours and hours uninterrupted with back-story after back-story.  An hour into the convo I finally reminded her I was on my way to lunch.  So, let’s recap what I learned today from the above interaction and several personal phone calls:

·         Mr. STBBD is a Redneck Neanderthal

·         Mr. PMIND and her are soooooooo connected and she fears that she will never find that with anyone else

·         She has high Christian morals, but will explain to her future children that her age played into her decision to have babies before marriage (or a ring)

·         Her bowling Groupon is expiring this weekend 

·         She is supposed to ovulate on Monday

·         If she makes a suggestion on furniture placement in your house and you don’t take it, she will be “highly offended," because, after all, you don't pay a designer and then don't take their advice

·         She had not yet received an invite to her friend’s dad’s birthday party (inconceivable!)

·         Just because you have a license doesn’t mean you are a good driver

·         She was in an accident when she was 20 in her blue Mountaineer and broke some bones in her hand, but thanfully the tire on the back absorbed a lot of the shock

·        Grandma shit herself today

Next week I will tell you about the “muffin incident” and introduce you to some more of my cray-cray coworkers…..we are just getting warmed up!

Cheers!

The Plot Thickens

Ms. TMI came in at 10 today, a slight improvement over yesterday’s arrival time.  She immediately asked if anyone had been looking for her, which implies she knows what time work actually starts.  I was in the middle counting something and was not able to give her my immediate attention.  So, she felt the need to note this by saying “looks like you are actually using your brain!”  Really!? 

Then, 10 minutes into her work day a miracle occurred; she closed her door to make a personal phone call!  Now, the personal phone call isn’t the surprise here, it’s the fact that she actually closed the door to do so.  Too bad she talked loud enough for the entire hallway to hear the conversation through the door.  So, things I never wanted to know the details about now include:

The first love of her life, that she never dated, is talking about a destination wedding with his current girlfriend.  You know, this time last year he said he never even wanted to get married, but now this!  You know he moved in with her and didn’t even tell me?!  The nerve!  (Much crying ensued….). 

I’m sure I will get the full “report” later in the day.  Something to look forward to. 

Cheers!