And to Each a Good Night

Long time no blog!!  A lot has happened, mostly with Ms. Woe Is Me.  She is a hot mess.  I really think someone needs to study her because she needs her own DMS-V diagnosis.  It’s hard to keep track of everything, so I have been keeping a running list (maybe I need my own psych diagnosis too!).  In an effort to summarize crazy, here it is:

·         She was attacked by a pit bull mix as she was leaving her apartment to go jogging one Saturday morning.  The dog tackled her as she came around the corner and bit through her heavy duty coat.  It came inches from her carotid and nearly killed her.  The police and animal control were called.  She decided to not press charges because the dog belonged to a man that is currently serving in Iraq and his parents are watching it while he is away. 

                                                                                                                  

·         She went on a cruise over Thanksgiving and was really sea sick (and also sick-sick).  The boat engines broke down in the middle of the sea and the swells were over 4 meters with winds at 40knots.  She had to just stay in her cabin because it was too hard to stand or move (did mention she was a marine biologist for 10+years?!).  Because of the breakdown they also missed one of the stops and she wasn’t able to go on her pre-paid excursions.  After she got back and removed her motion-sickness patch, she had vertigo for the next 4 days.

·         The night she came back, she was at the same party her ex-boyfriend(?), the bed wetter.  He was rude and didn’t even say hi.  Instead, he texted her from across the room to tell her that he was also there and that they shouldn’t make things “awkward.”

·         One night she was going to go on a date with someone she met on match.com “a while ago.”  She cancelled dinner plans to celebrate her birthday with some of her girlfriends so that she could go meet him.  Surprise, Surprise, he was a no show, no call, no text.  Completely stood-up.  While the rest of the world would just leave it there and take a hint, she decided to call him up the next day and berate him about his behavior.   

·         Her Dad forgot her birthday completely.  Days after the big day, she called him to make sure he was ok.  He never mentioned her birthday, or the expensive Christmas gift she sent.

·         She is “talking” to other ex-boyfriend on the regular.   She still “loves him” and is trying her best to get back with him.  From her recounting of their conversations, he is sending her pretty strong “not in this lifetime” and “I pity you” signals. 

·         She is still looking for a new car.  I’m certain she has been to every car dealer in a 100 mile radius.  There are always problems with 1) the car, 2) the dealer, or 3) both.  I’m beginning to think that she is blacklisted for her nonsensical behavior because “even if I call in advance, no one will help me.”  I pity the salesmen that are dealing with her.  She has even begun to have salesman take iPhone pictures of her posture in the car (because she has to have perfect alignment) and even taking a test drive from one dealership to another (with the salesman in tow).  She is still planning to write an exposé on how awful it is to buy a car in the area. 

·         She is getting sick right before her 2 week trip over the holidays.  She has spent the past several days out in the cold and rain car shopping.  It will probably be pneumonia and she will be miserable the entire time.  I see a trip the ER in her near future. 

Wow…just wow.  Each of those little bullet points is a much longer story, but that’s all I have for now!  I will keep my list going and next time I will update you on Ms. TMI.

Cheers and Happy Holidays!

It’s Over!…Or Is It?

This blogging business is harder than it looks!  Again, damn you work for getting in the way.  It’s been a while since I’ve updated you all on Ms. TMI, so let’s begin:

A new theme with Ms. TMI is that she and Mr. STBBD are over, for good!  She has always had nasty things to say about him, but about  3 weeks ago she told me about how she just wasn’t sure he was really into having a baby because they never really talk about it (re: he is a Neanderthal).  You all know that she is super serious about her baby making schedule and for this to all work, he needs to be on board.  Apparently, he is not down with scheduled baby dance days.  As she was telling me all of this she has the stark realization that “if he can’t handle this now, how will he handle this when we actually have a baby.”  I thought maybe that would change her mind about getting knocked up by a man she doesn’t even really seem to like, but nope, this statement was closely followed by “I guess I just have to get used to the idea of being a single mom.” 

Fast forward.  Ms. TMI rolled in later than usual and clearly had a rough night.  It turns out it was not just a sleepless night, but a "raging fight on the home front" night.  It was baby dance day and Ms. TMI was relentless (not wanting to let an opportunity pass her by).  Mr. STBBD tried to escape his duty by going to bed early but Ms. TMI was onto him and she was not going to let him go that easy.  When she confronted him on this behavior he snapped and said “I’m so sick of this shit!  All I ever hear is baby, baby, baby!  Just let it the fuck go!”  As you can imagine, this set off the powder keg.  I know that it involved screaming at the top of lungs, throwing things, etc.  At one point Ms. TMI had her car keys in hand to go to the gas station to get booze and cigs, but Mr. STBBD refused to let her leave.  This all culminated after quite a few rounds with Mr. STBBD putting all his stuff in a suitcase, grabbing the dog, and leaving by saying “give me ‘til Friday to find another place to live and then you’ll never see me again.”  Of course, she responded with a “You better find something sooner because your shit will be on the doorstep tomorrow.”  Nice.

There were all kinds of details and Ms. TMI was sparing none of them.  Unfortunately (or not), I had to her rush to the end so I could make a meeting.  I guess there was some back and forth over the next few hours via angry texts and phone calls.  She drank wine; he drove around with the dog.  At some point he came home and they went to bed (in the same bed, btw).  They didn’t speak to each other the next morning and when she was telling me this story had not yet spoken to him.  When I asked her what she was going to do or what the plan was, she didn’t have an answer.  Drama, drama.

I think this was close to Thanksgiving and I didn’t really see her over the next few days to find out what happened.  I figured they kissed and made up when pictures of the two of them were all over her Facebook page celebrating with friends and family.  He also got her lots and lots of Harley merchandise using his “points” that she proudly modeled in her profile pic.  In any case, she never said another word about it, but has since told me she is onto the next cycle of fertility treatment, so I guess it’s all systems go!  (for now).  She is also taking bets on when he will propose.  Anyone have guesses?

That is all I have for now.  I know content has been low, so here is some exciting news:  I will now be accepting guest submissions!  If you have crazy co-workers or learned way more about a stranger than you ever wanted to know, send it to answerstounaskedquestions@gmail.com

Cheers!