Hello my dear blog readers!!!! It has been far too long and A LOT has happened. Did you miss me? I think that the spring weather has truly let the cuckoo out of my co-workers clocks because they are out of control. Ms. TMI has been especially inappropriate and I have more stories than I can even begin to write about. Ms. Wim is still in the same cycle of doom. I think the best way to get back into this is to do a “best moments” list. So, here we go!
Ms. TMI
- Ms. TMI has begun to display SWF tendencies. She is constantly trying to dig into my personal life and find my deficits. I, like most, have plenty of issues. However, unlike Ms. TMI, I try to keep my personal life and my work life separate. One day this came to the most epic of afternoons when she decided that I must have something mentally wrong with me because I’m emotionally detached, yet claim to be happy. The concept of me being happy person blew her mind!!! She went so far as to tell me that it would be her personal mission to find my DSM-V diagnosis. After some Google searching on her part, she emailed me a link to a personality disorders “diagnosis” test. I could see the delightful outcome of this in my mind and agreed to take it if she would take it too. I finished the personality disorder screening test, and shocker, don’t have any indication of a personality disorder. Before she even finished hers, she wanted to know what I got and I was delighted to tell her that I’m “normal.” Then, she finished the test and declared “This can’t be right! This says I have antisocial personality disorder! I’m so social. I hang out with people all of the time!” I DIE. She also had a strong indication for borderline personality disorder. For those of you that may not know or not want to look up antisocial personality disorder:
Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of a disregard for other people's rights, often crossing the line and violating those rights. It usually begins in childhood or as a teen and continues into their adult lives. Antisocial personality disorder is often referred to as psychopathy or sociopathy in popular culture.
- In other news, Ms. TMI and Mr. STBBD are now seeing a couple’s counselor. This is in addition to her weekly therapy appointments with the therapist she has seen on and off since she was a teenager (he specializes in child psych). They have been to 1 session together and 1 session each individually. She told me about her session and said that she talked the entire time and the counselor barely had time to say anything because she was giving a “full picture of the situation.” This seemingly verbal diarrhea session ended with the counselor saying, “Do you even like this man?” Good question mon frère! In fact, this is the second therapist to pose that same question. Her regular therapist told her “under no circumstances should you have a child with that man.” I am guessing that was more related to her dysfunctional relationship behaviors and desire to be impregnated at any cost rather than about his ability to be a responsible father. But, who am I to say?
- Ms. TMI told me I have cankles. I didn’t respond but had an Ally McBeal moment of launching her out the window. REALLY?!!? I have cankles?? If I have cankles, what do you call whatever it is you’ve got going on?? Get fucked.
- Ms. TMI has also taken to wanting to review my work and keep track of my hours. Ummmm, NO!
Ms. Wim is a train wreck inside of a nuclear
explosion. I have never met someone with
so many disastrous things happen to them in my life. I still can’t really decide how many are self-inflicted
and which are just plain ‘ol shitty luck.
I will give you a few highlights:
- Ms. Wim finally got a car!! Did I tell you that already? After months of trials and tribulations, she finally decided on the Ford Fusion. Thank God! She was going to have to go to a custom seat maker so that she can make it comfortable for her back. However, after a few weeks of driving, all was well and the factory seats seem to be fine….for now.
- Ms. Wim has been chasing after the dancer ex-boyfriend for MONTHS….dare I even say YEARS. They have been on and off for as long as I have known her. In reality, she is on and he is off. This guy is also half her age, as usual. In their most recent reconnection, the ex made is explicitly clear to her on several occasions that he was: 1) not interested in being seen in public with her, 2) having casual sex with her when he felt like it, and 3) no relationship whatsoever….ever! What Ms. Wim heard was “There’s still a chance.” So she invested time and energy and money and emotions into trying to get him to commit to her. To no one’s surprise except her own, he texted her last Friday to tell her that he was seeing someone else and didn’t want to have any contact with her any more. To say she was devastated is an understatement. Full on hysterical crying in her office.
- Meanwhile, at a dance event in Las Vegas, she met a new guy. New guy lives across the county, but they have carried on flirting and getting to know each other for the past few months. Again, I can see a disaster coming because apparently this guy made it clear he is not interested in a long distance relationship. He is coming this weekend to stay for an entire week at her apartment (let us not forget about her hoarder tendencies). Maybe it will be good to get her mind off of the ex that she just can’t seem get over, right? Well, the day after this poor sucker booked his plane ticket, her aunt called to tell her that she would also be visiting next week. Let us review….new dude coming to visit for a week, aunt also coming same week, and 1 bedroom apartment occupied by a hoarder. This is going to be interesting. For some reason she just couldn’t ask her aunt to come another time or stay somewhere else (a hotel perhaps?). So, while Ms. Wim is at work (because she can’t take leave because she has sooooo much work to do), her potential new man and her aunt will be spending the days together. YIKES! Apparently the guy says he’s OK with it. We will see. At least this one is in his 30s.
OK. This is a
long blog with lots to digest. Until
next time,
Cheers!
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