Muffin Top

Today I will take a little time to fill you in on the muffin incident.  I’m sure Ms. TMI won’t show up until nearly noon today since its pouring rain here and yesterday was the b-day.   So, for your entertainment, I present you with the “muffin incident,” which is also part of the impetus for starting this blog:

I am not the most fit person in the world, but I do try to take care of myself.  I eat a healthy, balanced, low-calorie diet and I work out 6 times a week.  My weight has yo-yoed over the years, but I’m happy where I am at now and work really hard to stay here.  Part of this effort includes planning my meals in advance, calculating calories, and putting in some work at the gym.

Ms. TMI, on the other hand, has a weight problem.  This is a delicate issue, but let me stress to you that by weight problem, I’m not talking about losing the last 10lbs.  For example, her doctors said that she needed to lose at least 50lbs before she even attempted to get pregnant.  She claims she was fit in high school and even played basketball, but her lack of coordination suggests she was more likely a bench warmer (takes one to know one).  She is always seemingly frustrated with her weight and on to the next fad diet or quick fix (side note:  a giant F U to Dr. Oz for promoting these miracle pills to speed up metabolism).  Last year when I dropped some serious pounds with strict diet and exercise, she asked me to help her in the gym to help jump start her weight loss.  I agreed.

She started strong with attendance but was lazy when we were there.  20min on the elliptical was a chore and walking on the treadmill was too hard on her knees (allegedly).  We did some weight stuff, but the minute she started to break a sweat, she was “done.”  Of course, this led to frustration (on both our parts) and zero weight loss.  I kept urging her to keep a food diary and watch what she ate.  We all know that the time you put into the gym won’t matter if you are stopping at Mickey D’s on your way home.  As a FFK (former fat kid), I can sympathize with weight struggles, but you get out what you put in.  I’m sure you won’t be surprised to know that our little expeditions to the gym quickly came to an end.    

So, she went back to the quick fixes.  First, it was the South Beach diet.  She stayed with this for about 2 months.  She was happy with the weight loss, stopped following the diet, and quickly piled the weight back on, and then some.  Next, Weight Watchers.  Now, if you have ever been friends with someone on Weight Watchers, you know they sometimes turn from a food choice ignoramus into food nutrition expert in no time.  This was the case with Ms. TMI.

Lots of the other ladies in the office also started WW at the same time.  I, admittedly feeling left out, also joined.  Ms. TMI then decided that she was going to be MY food counselor.  Now, for those of you who are familiar with the program, she had 49pts/day; I had 26pts/day.  This is where I become super irritated.  She would tell me all about what she had eaten and describe exactly how she made it (of course).  When she asked me what I ate, I would tell her and her response was always, “you aren’t eating enough food.”  Ah-hem.  Now here comes the good stuff…..

Every morning for breakfast I have a Fiber One muffin I make myself (170cal), Light & Fit yogurt (80cal), and a piece of fruit.  According to Ms. TMI, this is not a healthy choice….  On not 1, not 2, but 3 separate occasions, she saw what I was having, and said “A muffin!?  How many points is that?!  I don’t think that’s on Weight Watchers!” 

EXCUSE ME?!  No no no no no no no no.  This is when I can only shake my head and have an “Ally McBeal” moment where I jump over my desk and shove the muffin up her ass.  I would probably have been equally pissed if some skinny supermodel type made the comment, but it definitely had that extra edge coming from her. If I wanted to know what you thought about my breakfast or needed help figuring out how many points it is, I would ask you!! 

You will be happy to know that every time she asks me for diet and/or exercise advice now, I refer her to her medical professional.  I also quit Weight Watchers. 

Cheers!