Woe-Is-Me'ing

Happy Friday to All!

Well, Ms. TMI is on telework today, so not too much new there.  Yesterday she continued to tell me about what she self-diagnosed as “Mittelschmerz,” otherwise known as ovulation pain.  Today over IM she let me know she was in hot pursuit of her OB/GYN to talk specifics.  Thankfully I can ignore her chats.  She did let me know she would be checking out early today…surprise, surprise.

Today seems like a good day to introduce you to the neurotic Ms. Woe Is Me.  Ms. Wim is a walking nut job for lack of a better term; albeit a well intended nut job.  She also has a flair for the dramatic and will quickly turn an otherwise non-event into an odyssey.  Currently she has 5 major ongoing issues (clinical diagnoses notwithstanding).   

1.       She has just started dating a new guy that is emotionally immature, bi-polar, and has urinary incontinence.  He is 25, she is 40.  She really likes him but isn’t sure she can handle his mood swings and the possibility that he will pee the bed every night, indefinitely.  This conversation is set on repeat and is usually followed closely with tales of her ex-boyfriend (whom she is still is in love with and hangs out with on occasion---also 25yrs old) and her ex-fiancé.  In case you were wondering, she hates them both. 

2.      Her car recently broke down and will cost more to repair than the car is worth.  I think she drives a 2000 Buick Regal, but I don't really know (I can never get past the Bush-Chaney sticker on the bumper).  She needs a comfortable car because she has a bad back and there aren’t many cars that have good seats AND a high safety rating.  After 2 weeks of test drives, snakey salesmen, and outright lies from the dealers, she has decided on the Nissan Altima.  Now the conversation has turned so that I get to hear about how it’s over her budget and she can’t afford it.  But she has to have a car…but if she gets the car she won’t be able to buy a house…..but, but, but

3.       She has had a migraine since Tuesday.  It nearly landed her in the ER Tuesday evening.  The only reason she didn’t go was because she didn’t have anyone to take her there!  She came into work on Wednesday with the tales of woe.   Several people, myself included, suggested she go get some Imatrix or other prescription migraine medicine.  She quickly retorted that she can’t take that because she had a seizure 10 years ago (this is where she digressed to tell us all about her seizure).  When you suggest she go home and take a nap…..nope…can’t do that either, too much work to do!  Ok…soooo, go to the damn doctor!  Thursday morning she shows up and tells me her doctor gave her vicodine for her headache and it makes her “feel funny.”  She was clearly high as a kite in my office.  Thankfully, her headache was gone…but the meds made her feel too weird.  I finally said “I really don’t know what to tell you.  Maybe you should try some pot.” (then she left my office)

4.       Her neighbors are “ghetto trash” and don’t allow her to sleep.  They are up all night and constantly pounding on her wall.  3am every morning!!  Despite pounding the wall back at them to get them to shut up, they never stop.  She has even knocked on their front door at 3am to get them to quiet down.  Alas, they refuse to keep it down.  I suggested she file a complaint with the management company; she won’t do it because they won’t do anything any way.  I have heard about the “noisy neighbors” for almost 2 months now.  Every time she tells me about them it is the same story:  they are always keeping her awake and she only ever gets 3 hours of sleep.  She just doesn't know what to do!  

5.       She is always tired and has way too many things to do. So many things in fact that she still is able to complete them even after telling me and I’m sure a half a dozen other people in the office about her issues for extended periods of time.  I also gather from our conversations that she spends about 5hrs a night on the phone telling other people her tales of woe too.  Soooooooo busy.  Woe is me!

As I’m sure you can imagine the telling of all of these tales is accompanied with lots of facial gestures, deeps sighs, and puppy dog eyes.  She actually has some of the male staff mesmerized with her damsel in distress ways and several go to “check-in” on her quite frequently.   In fact, I’m 99% that is how she was able to keep her job when it was on the line a year ago.  After all, how would she survive without this job?

Cheers!